A survivor of domestic violence says stigma and expectations around masculinity make it harder for men to report abuse. He is calling for better police training and education to help male victims seek support.
After remaining silent about his abuse for three years, a male domestic violence survivor is calling for better police training and greater public awareness. He says stigma and expectations around masculinity often prevent men from reporting abuse or seeking help.
By sharing his experience, he hopes to encourage other men facing similar circumstances to speak out and know they are not alone. His experience inspired the opinion piece When Home Becomes a Place of Pain: The Silent Struggle of Men Facing Domestic Violence, which explores the emotional impact of abuse, the stigma faced by male victims and the importance of seeking support.
“I kept silent for three years, and I am healing from the trauma of it. I was thinking that I cannot be the only man ever to be experiencing something like this,” he said.
He believes expectations around masculinity, particularly the pressure on men to appear strong, discourage many from reporting abuse or seeking assistance.
“There are structures in place, but I personally think men don't come forward out of embarrassment because of the whole 'be a man' thing.”
His concerns extend to how complaints from male victims are handled by law enforcement and other public institutions.
He recalled an incident in which police officers found him sleeping on a bench with a bloodied face. Despite explaining his circumstances, he said the officers did not investigate further, although they knew where he lived.
“When a policeman walked up to me one day while I was sleeping with a bloody face on a bench, they didn't know how to respond to what I was saying, so they just left me to sleep there. They knew where I stayed but never even went to investigate.”
His account raises concerns about how gender-based violence complaints are handled by police.
Survivor calls for police training and education in schools
The survivor believes more training is needed to equip police officers and public service officials to respond appropriately to domestic violence complaints, regardless of the victim's gender.
He is also calling for domestic abuse education at school level to help young people understand that abuse can affect anyone.
“More education at school level about domestic abuse from all sides and training in each of the parastatal structures on how to deal and handle situations that arise like this,” he said.
Statistics South Africa's 2025/26 Governance, Public Safety and Justice Survey provides further context on the experiences of male victims.
According to the survey, 2.5% of men aged 16 and older who experienced psychological violence identified a spouse or intimate partner as the perpetrator, compared with 8.4% of women.
The figures relate specifically to psychological violence and do not reflect the overall prevalence of domestic violence among men.
The issue of male survivors seeking help has also been raised by organisations working with victims of abuse. A report on gender-based violence support services noted that men accounted for 15% of victims who contacted TEARS for help during one month.
‘A man who reports abuse is not weak’
In his opinion piece, the survivor challenges the perception that men who report abuse are weak, arguing that they deserve the same protection, compassion and support as any other victim.
“A man who reports abuse is not weak. A father who admits that his relationship with his child or children has become frightening is not a failure,” he wrote.
His message to other men experiencing abuse is that seeking help should not be a source of shame.
“Your story does not have to end here. You are more than what has happened to you. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to seek protection. You are allowed to ask for help,” he wrote.
The Advice Desk for the Abused has also highlighted that abuse affects men and other groups beyond women, and the need for support services to respond to victims across society.